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Ignorance is not bliss – just ignorance

Thabiti Anyabwile, Duane Bond, Brandon Washington, Leonce Crump, Eric Mason, and Matt Chandler at Acts29 retreat 2016

I’ve been ignorant. With tears running down my face I beseech my black brothers and sisters to forgive my ignorance. I can no longer ignore the fact that your experience is very different from mine and I’m heartbroken for you. 

I was raised to not see race. My dad grew up in Gary, Indiana. My grandparents along with several aunts and uncles taught in Gary public schools. When my grandparent’s church and friends moved to the suburbs, they stayed and became the minority in their neighborhood. They had no fear or reason to leave the people they worked with and were in community with. They saw people, neighbors, colleagues, and friends; they didn’t see color.

We moved away from Gary when I was five to a small farming community two hours east. We lived there for 10 years and I can’t think of one person in all those years who was anything other than white. 

Our next stop, Iowa City, had more diversity due to it’s being a collage town, but even then my high school had only a small percentage of African Americans. 

My Christian college in Ohio was even less diverse, but ironically, right down the road from Wilberforce and Central State colleges. 

Growing up in communities fairly devoid of racial tension gave me an innacurate view of America. And having been raised to see people, and not color, I have been a little annoyed that the differences and tensions are being thrown in my face lately.

I wanted to believe deep down in my heart that those being mistreated were for criminal reasons and not racial. I never saw my grandparents treat their neighbors with anything but dignity, so why would I expect anything different from others, especially those sworn to serve and protect? 

Hearing these Godly men tell their stories today broke me. To learn that as young children growing up in this country, their houses were vandalized, they were ostracized, called names, and made to feel unwanted and unprotected in their communities opened my eyes. To know that in the wake of  recent events, they have to prepare their children for similar atrocities is beyond my comprehension.  

Thank you for sharing your stories. I am no longer naive. I am no longer ignorant. I hear you. I see you. I weep for the injustices you have experienced and I will no longer be silent. 

 
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Posted by on July 13, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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Dear Writing, We have issues.

Dear Writing,

Surely I’m not the only one who noticed we haven’t been so great lately. I like you and all, but sometimes you are just soooo difficult.

Like when I haven’t spent enough time with you and you become distant and hard to talk to.

But when I spend a lot of time with you, it’s never enough. You come back to me for more with all of your problems for me to fix.

Then when we finally get it all worked out and feel like things are looking good…I don’t really believe it…until someone else tells me we look good. How messed up is that??  That can’t be healthy.

Some say, if we are having issues, it works best to schedule time with each other, but that doesn’t always work for me.

I mean…sometimes…when I sit down with you, I’m just not all that into you at the moment. Other things seem more interesting…

No offense…I really do like you. It’s this WORKING at the relationship that is so hard.

But I still believe we can do great things together, and I feel like I can tell you ANYTHING. So, I’ll put in the time and try not to be annoyed with you.

Really.

It’s not you, It’s me.

 
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Posted by on December 7, 2015 in Humor, Uncategorized

 

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Go Set A Watchman

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I’ve been dragging my feet writing this post and just as I suspected, the hype, hoopla, and reviews of Go Set A Watchman have settled down, if not gone away altogether. As they should.

Imagine if Universal Studios got their hands on one of Steven Spielberg’s 8mm teenage attempts at filmmaking. Now imagine if they took one of those movies, burned it to DVD, and sold it as “Steven Spielberg’s Lost Movie.” I’m not sure it would sell well. I’m pretty sure it was never intended for public viewing. Maybe some die-hard fans or curiosity seekers would buy, but most of us would continue to enjoy the massive body of quality work he already has out there.

Harper Lee and her original publisher never intended Go Set A Watchman to see the light of day. It was a rejected draft, that inspired and eventually became To Kill A Mockingbird. Unfortunately, Harper Lee didn’t have anything else out there. She became this elusive, mysterious person living under the guidance and protection of her close relatives. The world wanted more.

Harper Lee’s sister, Alice Lee – an Alabama lawyer, took care of most of her legal affairs. She passed away in November of 2014. On 3 February 2015, Harper Collins announced they had acquired the manuscript and the rights to publish Go Set A Watchman.

Despite the reports that Harper Lee was thrilled to have her book published, I can’t shake the feeling that a wrong was done.

These are the reservations I carried with me as I read the novel. Since I distrusted the acquisition of the draft and motivation for publishing, I was also less inclined to believe that the publisher left the manuscript as they found it. Therefore, it is hard to review or comment on a novel surrounded by so many questions.

I can only share my impressions….

~ At times it reads like fan-fiction. (My first reaction when Hank, who was never mentioned in TKAM, shows up as Scout’s love interest.)

~ There were discrepancies in some details that indicated a need for more editing such as: references to the house they grew up in, and the time-frame of Cal’s departure from the household. (this would support the claim that they published it “as is”)

~ I don’t “buy” Scout as Jean Louise. I’ve read other reviewers who claim that the character reads exactly as they would have expected Scout to be as a grown-up, because it was just like her. That is precisely the problem. How many of us act just like our 6,7,8 year old self? I certainly expect Jean Louise to have the spunk and personality of Scout, but so often in the book, she acts like a petulant child, rather than a mature young woman.

~ It tries too hard to be a racially controversial novel with Jean Louise/Harper Lee constantly moralizing to the readers. TKAM reported life, as it happened, through the eyes of a child. We heard and saw the clear message and injustice in the world without petulant speeches.

All this being said…am I glad I read it? Absolutely.

In the author/publishing world this book was the biggest news of the year, and I choose to be relevant. And…despite my complaints, there were parts where I lost myself in the story and fully enjoyed Harper Lee’s prose.

Even as Go Set A Watchman falls off the bestseller lists and turns up on dusty shelves in used bookstores, it has given us an invaluable glimpse into the life and work of a writer. We have seen what usually remains hidden…the first envisioning, the first ideas, the first completed draft of a novel that through many revisions and reworkings became the Pulitzer prize winning book To Kill A Mockingbird.

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Posted by on September 29, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Nostalgia and Harper Lee

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What makes me imagine my grandmom’s orange shag living room and fold-out sofa bed every time I smell bacon cooking, or idealize my childhood in an economically depressed lakes community, or continue to ride my gram’s 1970’s Huffy beach cruiser even though it can’t possibly keep up with my husband’s Fuji 10-speed?

Nostalgia.

It is this same nostalgia that caused us to generate record breaking pre-sales and flock to bookstores to buy our own copy of Go Set A Watchman. 

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Like many of you, I can remember my first encounter with To Kill A Mockingbird. Unlike what I preach to my students, my first exposure was the movie, not the book. I remember lounging in a chair in my parents room, curled up into some odd pretzel shape that only small children can manage, watching on their small black and white tv. I’m sure in modern parenting philosophies, I was much too young to be exposed to such harsh truth, (as it states on the film poster.) Ironically, I was Scout’s age.

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Three vivid scenes played in my young imagination for years after: the courtroom scene with formidable but kind Atticus and scared, confused Mayella Ewell; Scout running through the woods in the ham costume while being chased; and Scout realizing that Boo (Arthur) Radley was standing behind the door. I probably couldn’t have told you where these scenes originated until I read the book in my early teens. Then it all came back to me as if I was curled up in the chair all over again. For this reason the book and the movie are one in my mind. I can’t watch the movie without hearing Harper Lee’s beautiful narrative prose, and I can’t read the book without imagining Gregory Peck and Mary Badham – much credit due to Robert Mulligan (director) and Horton Foote (screenplay).

To Kill A Mockingbird will continue to be a classic that introduced a strong, admirable, father figure teaching his children the harsh realities of life. Scout and Jem learn that truth and law don’t always win when prejudice exists. (A lesson we are still learning today.) In the middle of learning life lessons, Harper Lee masterfully depicts children living, playing, imagining, and growing up in small town America.

From the reviews that I’ve read, Go Set a Watchman seeks to undo some of this by having a more jaded, older Scout (Jean Louise) return to find Atticus isn’t quite as admirable as we all thought while she continues to process her childhood memories through her grown-up perceptions.

Reviewers have not been kind. In The New Yorker, Adam Gopnik calls it a “failure of a novel” and says it would never have been published without the popularity of To Kill a Mockingbird. While The New York Times reports that people in Harper Lee’s hometown of Monroeville, Alabama are divided on the new book. Some are skeptical of its origins and Lee’s blessing of its publication. Others are concerned that the Atticus portrayed in the new novel more closely resembles the racist white men of the time than the fair-minded lawyer of To Kill a Mockingbird.

Yet despite all of this, we will still buy it. We will still read it. Why? Nostalgia. We want to revisit that small town with Jean Louise and see what has happened since we left it. We want to immerse ourselves once again into Harper Lee’s descriptive detail and frank assessment  of human character. We want, against all odds, to recapture the moment of our first encounter with To Kill a Mockingbird in order to understand why it left such an impression.

As I open my copy of Harper Lee’s new/old book, I will try to remember that nostalgia is a feeling anchored in the past. A visit to my childhood home, though eye-opening seen through the understanding of an adult, does not alter the feelings or memories associated with it. So it will be with Go Set a Watchman. The success or failure of this novel should in no way diminish the fondness we carry for To Kill a Mockingbird.

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P.S. I will post a review once I’ve finished reading.

P.P.S. Over the next few years, I fully expect an abundance of books and articles discussing the questionable origins and publication of Go Set a Watchman. If Harper Lee would grant me an interview…I would write one. 😉

 
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Posted by on July 16, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Almost Famous

When I began to pursue writing, my dad gave me some advice, “you need to be able to be found.” In order to build an audience who would read my stuff, I needed an on-line presence.

So I googled myself…and I discovered that my name is extremely common…and a rising music artist popping onto the scene who shares my name means that the first ten pages of a google search are mostly devoted to her.

Recently someone tagged me on twitter and instagram saying they were enjoying my “musical stylings.” @kathryndeanofficial jumped in to correct the mistaken identity. (What makes her any more official? I’m also officially Kathryn Dean. I have a drivers license, social security card, and passport to prove it.) 😉

Coincidentally, I am also a musician. Okay, so I’m not exactly famous unless you count the autographs I signed as a member of the Iowa State Fair Singers, but I’ve been a singer most of my life. It fascinates me to see the commonalities in interests and professional pursuits that many Kathryn Deans share. (An interesting takeaway from my google search)

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Kathryn Dean (official)                                                  Kathryn Dean

(In the first picture, I clearly have my stage makeup on)

Another Kathryn Dean I am often mistaken for is a producer/production manager who has worked on many popular movies, most recently Winter’s Bone. I receive emails from enthusiastic crew members hoping to work with me on my next movie. They send accolades and resumes. I was kind enough to respond to many of them informing them they had an incorrect email address. But recently, one thorough applicant included my email and the real producer Kate Dean‘s email.

I now had a place to forward all of these misdirected emails. Or better yet…

I quickly wrote her saying how nice it was to finally “meet,” and promptly offered to be her assistant and vet all these applicants I received. I haven’t heard back with a job offer…yet.

Apparently I am being found. Unfortunately, I’m not the Kathryn Dean they are looking for. As John Green penned, it appears there truly is an abundance of Kathryns.

So, I’ve decided to try out new names. Authorly, writerish names like Ann, or Jane, or Virginia, or Joan. Have you ever noticed how many successful authors are named Ann? Lamott, Patchett, Rice, Bronte, Radcliffe…

Ann Dean, Anna Dean that has a nice ring to it.

Never mind there are 73,000,000 google results for Anna Dean…and one of them is already a published novelist. I knew it was an authorly name.

I suppose it best to stick with my given name…and maybe spend less time on google and more time writing.

~Just to be clear, I’m honored to share a name with all of these accomplished women, but it couldn’t hurt to include my middle name in my byline. 😉

 
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Posted by on July 7, 2015 in Humor

 

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Wildflowers Photography

Here is my latest article: Soul of an Artist

If you haven’t heard of Joy Prouty and Wildflowers photography, your life is not complete. Click the link, read the article, follow her blog, find her on instagram…She is a true artist and a lovely person.

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Photos by Kielen Simons

 
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Posted by on May 12, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Valentine’s Day – After 20 Years

I heard someone say recently that Valentine’s Day is for rookies…those who need help and a shove in the romance department. The longer you love one person, the more you realize that true love is steady, true love is committed, and true romance can be subtle.

What does Valentine’s Day look like after 20 years of marriage? 

It looks like a familiar morning – coffee made and brought up to enjoy in bed before facing the day

It looks like being pulled from coffee time by a child coughing and calling for mom

It looks like roaming the aisles of home depot to fix all that has quit in our ten-year-old house

It looks like a quick stop at the grocery to pick up candy hearts for the kids…and maybe some for us

It looks like teamwork as he stays home with a sick child while I take another child for some one-on-one time

It looks like a text saying, “I’m happy to make dinner…and clean up”

It looks like a chilled bottle of Prosecco

It looks like a quiet night in with a movie after the kids are in bed

It looks like climbing into bed and finding a red envelope on my pillow with his unmistakable handwriting

and knowing beyond all doubt that we are one and will be until our parting breath.

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Posted by on February 15, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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